


Give Us Our Happy Ending

by DaLiza



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, F/M, post 5x22
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 09:26:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14952014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaLiza/pseuds/DaLiza
Summary: Fitz, having realized he’s a television character, confronts the AoS writers. Spoilers for 5x22.





	Give Us Our Happy Ending

In the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. writers’ room, overlapping voices were debating what Fitz’s final words should be when a glowing blue portal suddenly appeared in a corner of the room. A few seconds later, Fitz himself walked out and the portal vanished behind him.

The room fell silent as the writers stared, mouths open, at their unexpected guest. 

Eventually one writer, an Asian woman with purple glasses, dared to ask the question they were all thinking. “What the hell just happened?”

Fitz was looking at each one of them in turn. “So you’re the people who created me.” 

“Wait a second there, buddy,” said another writer, this one a bald, middle aged man. “You expect us to believe that you’re our character come to life?”

“I am,” said Fitz proudly.

The man’s face paled. “That’s impossible!”

“Impossible for your average character,” Fitz said. “But you made me a genius, and then you had me spend six months in a military prison, where I had a lot of time to think about my life. I couldn’t stop wondering why bad things kept happening to me and my friends, day after day, year after year. How was it that we kept surviving these insane situations when logically we should have died a hundred times over? The only rational answer was that we weren’t real. Once I realized that I was a character in someone else’s story, I started trying to find my creators.”

“How did you get here?” A third writer, a brunette in her thirties, asked.

“Last year you had me build a machine to bring Aida’s body in the Framework into the real world. I invented similar tech to bring myself here.”

“This is crazy,” muttered the second writer, laughing nervously. “What do you want from us?”

“I came here to talk to you. I may be an engineer, but I took some literature classes in school. I know that every story needs conflicts and obstacles for the characters to overcome, but everything you’ve done to me and Simmons...it’s too much. I can’t bear the thought of being separated from her again. Please, just let us stay together. After we defeat Talbot, let us have a proper honeymoon on a beach somewhere or...”

Fitz trailed off when he noticed the writers avoiding eye contact with him. Some of them seemed to be looking at something behind his back. He turned and saw a large whiteboard covered with writing in different colors. “5x22” was written at the top. “Is this the next chapter of our story?” Not waiting for a response, he read the board. “So Daisy is going to use the centipede serum to fight Talbot? That’s interesting. May and I will save Mack and Polly and then I’ll be buried under a pile of rubble and...die? I DIE?” He turned around to face the writers. “Are you serious? Simmons and I just got married! We’re going to have a daughter someday! Why would you do this to us?!”

“It’s not as bad as it sounds,” the showrunner, a young man with curly blond hair, said sheepishly. 

Fitz let out a deep breath. “I’m not really dead. Or I’m dead for a few minutes, but then Simmons brings me back and we have a passionate kiss. Of course.” He laughed. “Robots shooting machine guns at me didn’t kill me; why would a pile of rocks?”

Once again the writers avoided Fitz’s gaze. 

“Actually...you are dead,” said the showrunner. “But it’s okay because Simmons is going to find the frozen Fitz in space—“

“Space? Again?” Fitz knocked the whiteboard markers and eraser off of their tray, sending them crashing to the floor. “You’ve already sent Simmons to another planet and a space station in the future! How many times are you going to use space to separate us? You know it is possible for two characters to have conflicts while on the same planet!” 

Fitz picked up the eraser from the floor and erased the board. “I won’t let you tear us apart again. You’re going to give us our happy ending, or I’ll use the portal to bring every inhuman from my world into yours. I think Daisy, the ‘Destroyer of Worlds’, will be interested to meet the people who make all her boyfriends die. And YoYo will want to ask you why she had to lose her arms. And May will want to know why you’re killing the man she loves!” He lowered his head. “Okay, May isn’t an inhuman...but she’s still intimidating. Even with the injury you gave her, she could fight everyone in this room!”

The writers exchanged fearful glances. “Do you want to retire from SHIELD, move to Perthshire, and make lots of babies?” Asked the brunette.

Fitz considered this for a few moments. “I don’t think we need ‘lots’ of babies. I’d be fine with two, a girl and a boy. They should both have Jemma’s smile and intellect and kindness. Don’t give them my temper...or any of my other bad qualities. And I want a pet monkey. Deal?”

“Wait!” Cried the showrunner. “It’s not that simple. We can’t just make you and Simmons happy; happy characters make boring television.”

“And miserable characters make depressing television,” countered Fitz. “Let Simmons and me have some happiness in our lives...or face the consequences.” Using a remote in his pocket, Fitz activated another portal and stepped through it.

“What do we do now?” Asked the middle aged man.

“We can’t fight all of our inhuman characters! We have to give him what he wants,” said the brunette.

“No way!” Shouted the showrunner. “We can’t negotiate with terrorists! If we let our characters dictate their stories, they’d never let us do anything bad to them. We have to stand our ground.”

“Fitz made some good points,” argued the woman with glasses. “We have separated FitzSimmons multiple times, instead of exploring conflicts they could have within a committed relationship. Maybe we could let Fitz live.”

“But this is the season finale!” Said the middle aged man. “We have to kill someone or—“

Another blue portal materialized in a corner of the room. 

“Oh God, he’s coming back,” said the middle aged man.

But this time it wasn’t Fitz who emerged from the portal. It was Melinda May.

May glared at everyone in the room. “Fitz said you might need more convincing.”

The showrunner threw his hands in the air. “Don’t hurt us! We’ll let FitzSimmons be happy!”

May smiled. “Fix Coulson too.”

“Oh..okay.”

“And stop making us fugitives all the time. And no more time travel. And—“ She picked up a marker off the floor. “Never mind. I’ll write it myself.”

“So...are we letting May write the show now?” The woman with purple glasses whispered as May began to write on the board.

The showrunner sighed. “I’m not going to be the one to stop her.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback is appreciated.


End file.
